The first letter you receive from a solicitor is so important – and without a doubt this cannot be more truthful than when a relationship is ending. It can bring with it all the emotion and realisation that you are actually pulling in different directions, and it is that letter that may well set the tone for how you are likely to deal with all of the issues surrounding the separation.

A good, experienced solicitor who understands the impact of separation/divorce on any family, and the impact of that first letter, should do all they can to minimise the opportunity for confrontation. The content of that letter should be discussed and approved prior to it being sent and it should aim to help resolve the issues and to open up some constructive dialogue.
It is however fully acknowledged that not all solicitors who practice family law behave in this way.
So, what do you do if you are the recipient of a letter which is aggressive and dismissive of your parenting skills? The non-legal advice is to put the letter down and take a deep breath, then take several more. Don’t react immediately instead give yourself time to think. The last thing you should do in that moment is to pick the phone up.
The worst possible reaction is to dig your heels in deep, spend valuable time, emotional effort and probably expense in lobbying backwards and forwards with your ex.
Tackle the emotional impact, then set about working to keep communication with your partner open. Talk to them.
You are allowed to. Is this really what they wanted to say to you?
Always keep your children’s welfare at the forefront. A relationship breakdown can affect trust which invariably impacts upon communication. If this is happening consider involving someone professional, like a mediator. They can help you work together to resolve your differences and keep you talking. Your children can only benefit.
Think about getting your own legal advice. We can’t stress the importance of choosing your solicitor wisely and carefully. They can make all the difference to the journey through separation. Leave them to use their skills to respond for you and to take the burden of the legalities from you. They can see the bigger picture and a path through. They are not affected by the understandable and very real emotions.
Or, you have every right to choose to directly respond yourself. Solicitors regularly receive communication directly. Be careful though, there are ways and means of putting your side forward without getting into a situation of crossfire.
We are able to help and support those who wish to begin divorce or separation proceedings.
Speak to us confidentially on 01792 978560 or email ffion@ftlaw.co.uk
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